Day 18: Fork

First, I want to say that I find it slightly entertaining that my picture is watching the box which I am typing in right now (with all my mega-emo fun, headphones on my neck and product in my hair). Every time I smile for a picture, I look awkward and every time I don’t smile or a picture, I look like a jerk. I chose jerk because at least some people think some jerks are cool.

I had a conversation last night. It helped me put things into some kind of perspective. I’m still riddled with holes of various sizes (and I still have these instances when I tense up and feel like I’m in a rotten dream), but I think I’m better.

I watched the Notebook the other night. There is various and sundry questionable ethics (and it panders to a concept of romantic love that is very much opposed to the message of the Gospel), but there was a part of it that resonated with me.

After it resonated, I deconstructed it and became cynical, but still very much a mess. This was before the conversation, so it all makes sense.

I love my mother.

There was this period where I would spend my time planning and plotting, but then I got sidetracked. I’m still sidetracked, but I recognize I’m sidetracked.